tall penguin

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Posts by tall penguin

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  27

  No good news to report

  by gringojj in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  well friends things had bad going very well for my wife recently.

  she had been looking a the wts critically for quite some time now.

  we would have daily discussions on how so many things didnt make sense.

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  tall penguin

  Dear Mrs. Gringo,
  Thank you for sharing your comments with us. As I mentionned earlier I can really relate to you. Even when I started to fade earlier in the year there was still the "what if I'm wrong?" fear. It's hard to over-ride years and decades of indoctrination. I saw the "War of the Worlds" movie this past summer and it kicked up all my Armageddon fears. It's amazing how reflexive these responses are. It takes time to repattern this. Please be patient with yourself.
  Your comments about not wanting to hurt your mother resonate with me. As I've commented before, the fear of leaving the organization is often more a fear of leaving the parent who's in that we've been most affected by in our lives, often negatively. It's the search for unconditional love. If your mom is anything like mine, her love was conditional on how good a "Christian" (jw) I was. It was only when I told her that I was disassociating that she told me that she loved me unconditionally. It was the first time I'd heard it in my life of 31 years. It brought tears to my eyes. Those words are being challenged now. She is still talking to me though. Yet our relationship is changing as I'm becoming more independent and creating better boundaries. For the first time ever, I am becoming healthy in my relationship with her.
  I chose to enter therapy and it has helped me tremendously. The main thing is for you to get the support to stand up for what you believe in your heart and soul. To come into your own and feel good about who you are. This is a lesson that most jw's don't learn in the organization, where individuality is sacrificed for conformity. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to finally be getting my feet underneath me.
  You mentionned panic attacks. I too had those while in the org. My health, now that I'm out, is greatly improved. People remark about how I look the best they've ever seen me. I feel like I'm back in my body and have a great future ahead of me with so many possibilities. Give it time. You can do this. I believe in you.
  Your husband is a great source of support. Rely on him to help you through this. And as for your kids, be as honest with them as you can. Tell them you haven't got everything figured out but that you love them and will support them through this time of change.
  My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  tp
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  20

  Former Bible Study Wants to Talk...

  by tall penguin in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  okay, here's the update.

  i sent an email to my former bible study after a phone conversation we had where i told her i'd disassociated myself.

  in the email, i included information about the shunning practice (which she had no idea about).

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  tall penguin

  Okay, here's the update. I sent an email to my former Bible study after a phone conversation we had where I told her I'd disassociated myself. In the email, I included information about the shunning practice (which she had no idea about). I also gave them the link to Quotes' site.
  I just got off the phone with her husband (who's also studying) and they want me to come down to talk with them. They live 2 hours away from me. I'm heading down there on Monday and I'm terrified. I'm afraid they'll be angry with me since I was the one who originally studied with them, although they continued on studying with a couple in their new location. They've been studying for 3 years now. They're almost finished the Knowledge Book.
  I'm afraid too because I don't have anything "profound" to offer them in exchange for the jw beliefs that I now know are incorrect. The true Christian faith as I've come to understand it is a much simpler one than the jw's present. For some, it's not enough. And my fear is that it won't be enough for them to leave the wt for.
  I've only just disassociated 6 weeks ago and I'm going through my own spiritual journey as well as a major healing as my whole paradigm has shifted. And I guess I just feel rather inadequate about "anti-witnessing" at this time. I'm quite terrified. I feel like their life hangs in the balance. And it's my job to "save" them from the wt. I guess it's the same kind of "bloodguilty" type feelings I experienced as a jw and they're just transferring over to this.
  Any advice? Prayers and warm thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Please keep in mind that this family is from China and their English is still limited. So anything I present needs to be kept simple. Also, does anyone have any of the pubs (CoC/ISoCF) in Chinese? I feel like I'm getting ready for a "return visit." Ugh!
  tp
• 
  27

  No good news to report

  by gringojj in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  well friends things had bad going very well for my wife recently.

  she had been looking a the wts critically for quite some time now.

  we would have daily discussions on how so many things didnt make sense.

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  tall penguin

  gringojj
  I'm so sorry to hear about this latest turn of events. I used to be like your wife, always looking for "signs" from jehovah about what to do next in my life. It is indeed a rollercoaster, just as much for her as it is for you. The constant wondering of "is this a sign from jehovah or a temptation from satan?" It made me very ill (emotionally and otherwise) for a long time.
  It's funny to me how many jw women are so tied in to their mothers and how those moms exert such a powerful influence on them. Could it be that "mother" (the wts) creates and/or attracts these literal moms? I'm just now coming out from under the influence of the wts (I disassociated about 6 weeks ago). And I see that the issues I have with my literal mother run far deeper than anything that the wts did to me. Those are the scars I'm working to heal most of all.
  I don't know what advice to give you my friend. I can relate to your wife. Sounds like she may not be ready to stand up for herself and what she feels. The one thing that helped me tremendously was finding a good therapist to work with. This helped me get my feet underneath me so I could support myself to re-evaluate and make changes to the unhealthy relationships in my life. I don't know if she's ready for that yet.
  There may not be much that you can do directly to get her to give up the wts. In the end, it must be her decision when she's ready or it won't stick. I think that the most important thing is for you to take care of yourself through this. Perhaps seeing a therapist yourself might be useful. If that's not for you, seek out a trusted friend to discuss this with. And please keep us updated here. We're listening.
  tall penguin
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  3

  I Finally Got Up The Courage To Tell Her

  by Honesty in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a dear old active jw friend called last night to tell me that another dear jw friend died late wednesday night.

  i really feel bad about it because i have known my deceased friend and her family for almost 30 years.

  her brother and i were best friends and business associates until i da'd last year.

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  tall penguin

  Hi Honesty,
  Sorry to hear of the loss of your dear friend.
  I'm happy for you that you were able to speak up and share what you shared with your jw friend. It must have felt good to be honest and put it out there. I admire your courage.
  tall penguin
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  4

  Anyone ever start a 'coffee-house' Bible study?

  by AK - Jeff in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i am thinking of doing this at the place where i have my daily brew.

  just a simple coming together of those who wish to read a chapter or two of the bible once a week with a little discussion - completely non-denom of course - .

  anyone have suggestions on how to go about this - have you done it or something similar?

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  tall penguin

  Re: Channel C
  It ended up being a Catholic beliefs debate. It got rather heated.
  tp
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  32

  Why is it so hard to have meaningful conversation at the Kingdom Hall?

  by truthseeker in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  did any of you stuggle for have good conversations with the friends, before and after meetings?

  i know i did.. by meaningful conversations, i mean in-depth discussions about events, news, beliefs.

  it seems that jw's .

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  tall penguin

  My guess is that it's a fear of judgement thing. Who wants to disclose their personal likes, dislikes, opinions, etc. when you could be judged for it? It's just not worth it.
  tp
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  25

  Hello, new to posting here!

  by doffy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  just wanted to pop in and say hi.. i'm from the uk and have made quite a few ex jw friends.

  we have met up a few times, and it's great to be with others who understand (my sense of humour lol!).

  i have been df for 14 years, and in the process became the black sheep of the family ( a familiar story).

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  tall penguin

  Welcome Doffy! Glad to have you here. It's really amazing that you can still be viewed with such disdain after 14 years! Crazy!
  tall penguin
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  10

  HOW MANY JW'S ARE REALLY "KEEPIN IT REAL?"

  by stillAwitness in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i know a girl in my hall who completely fabricates her "personal comments" during the wt study to make herself look better.

  she concocts these expierences about her witnessing to class mates and teachers and even adds in a little joke or two for a ha ha effect from the audience.

  i always see her after the meeting and she always got that grin like 'yeah, i made it sound good didn't i?

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  tall penguin

  Just before I left, a friend of mine had told me how a few of the pioneers in her congregation fudge their hours. I must admit I was a bit surprised by this. And thoroughly disgusted! I was a jw "goody-goody." While I believed it, I did my best to follow the rules...all 12 million of them. ;)
  tp
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  25

  The story of my life (part 6- Bethel, the second shock)

  by onacruse in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so, here i am, reeling from the events of the recent weeks...and then comes a blessed respite.

  one of the "perks" of being on the janitorial crew was that, every summer, tradition sent us to mountain farm for a couple of weeks, to pick strawberries..

  ahhhhhh!!

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  tall penguin

  Bethel Boys Brazenly Butcher Bunnies...news at 11!
  tp
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  30

  Did the JW religion add stress to your life?

  by JH in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i was very stressed when i was an active jw.

  i hated going to meetings, knocking at doors, preparing meetings and so on.. i hated talking in front of a group.

  there was too much to read and to prepare, and never felt like i was good enough.. last night i took a walk and passed in front of the book study where i was just a few months ago.

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  tall penguin

  Let me put it this way...my latest msn handle is: "Now with 33% less cognitive dissonance!"
  
  :) tall penguin